Look to your left. You know you want to cuddle that little black kitty. Love it. Feed it kitty treats and take pictures to send to LOLcats. You will bore countless acquaintances with just how playful, loving and precious it is, right?



THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!
Little did I know that I would become a SLAVE TO MY ASSHOLE CAT. This is what he grew into:

Meet Franklin. He was named after our former president, because I read a biography about him which included a Christmas letter to his mother, signed "Franklin" in adorable baby-script. Taken by the awesome-cute, I passed it on to my new kitten. A more fitting name might be Rufus or Wyatt, as Franklin has the personality of an overweight, hillbilly school bus driver who wears shirts perpetually stained with pitsweat and ketchup, who has a secret porn stash under the seat and has been known to rough up bar patrons on the weekends if they "diss" him. A short list of Franklin's accomplishments:

-Causing hundreds of dollars of damage to an apartment carpet

-Forcing us to put a latch on the refrigerator door BECAUSE HE COULD PULL IT OPEN (we've since left that home)

-Biting my friend's dick....when we had him less than a week

-Chipping paint off the walls

-Chewing out the middle of important work papers

-Shitting in my shower cap

-Intentionally flicking vomit in my face

-Pulling paint off a wall and wood chunks out of several doors

FAST FRANKLIN FACTS:

-23 pounds

-Nearly 5 years old

-Born in Queensbury NY

-One of four kittens

-One littermate put down for uncontrollable behavior. That woman is a moron. She could always have let him outside, and not sent him to Hades.

-Only behaves friendly-like to two, maybe three people, myself included

-Lives with another cat, Sarah (Saranac) who is toothless

-Is widely hated. Has been known to attack people for looking at him, and stalking children.

-Code name: Panther

I've started this blog to find a way to release the stress that comes with being the mommy to little Damien Lucifer. Thanks for reading! I'll post again soon...